I was just thinking about you...

There's a former colleague of mine named Whitney who still crosses my mind from time to time. I'll remember a project we worked on together, or come across something that reminds me her for some reason, and for a brief moment I'll think that I should reach out.

Then I don't.

Not because I don't want to reconnect, but because I can't quite justify the interruption. I don't have something useful enough to send, or an update meaningful enough to share, so the moment passes... and more time passes without reconnecting with Whitney.

For years, I carried an invisible rule about networking: if I was going to reach out, I needed a good reason. Ideally, I'd have an article tailored to their interests, a thoughtful introduction to offer, or some clear way to make their day a little easier.

That advice (to lead with value) is broadly good, and I don't want to dismiss it entirely. When you're building new relationships, respecting someone's time and being useful builds trust and signals that you're someone worth knowing. That effort comes from the right place.

When Good Advice Becomes a Barrier

Days turned into months, and months turned into years. Relationships that had once felt easy and warm went dormant, and the longer I waited, the more awkward it felt to break the silence. The standard that was meant to strengthen my connections ended up paradoxically preventing them.

What I've come to understand is that the work environment solves this problem for us in ways we don't fully appreciate until it's gone. When you're inside an organization, there is always a reason to talk... projects create context and the space of the workday keep relationships naturally alive.

After leaving a role, those built-in reasons disappear, and we tend to assume we must now manufacture something equally substantial before we're entitled to reach out. Many of us fall into that trap without ever noticing we've stepped into it, and our networks go dormant not out of indifference, but out of an overcorrection toward professionalism that ends up feeling like distance.

A Simpler Way to Reconnect

> Hey [so-and-so]. I was just thinking about you. What's the latest? No article attached. No clever angle constructed after the fact. Just an honest acknowledgment that someone had crossed my mind and I wanted to know how they were doing.

The responses I got back were warmer than I expected, though in retrospect they shouldn't have surprised me at all. We all appreciate being thought of, and even more than that, we appreciate knowing we were thought of.

Being remembered affirms that we mattered beyond the transaction of work, that the relationship had a life beyond the work environment. That simple recognition turns out to be its own form of value... perhaps one of the most human forms there is.

Why This Matters in a Job Search

Here's what I've found: when you ask someone how they're doing, they almost always ask you the same. That reciprocal moment is your natural opening to share what you're exploring, what kind of role you're looking for, what would be genuinely helpful to you right now.

The update feels organic because it is organic. The hard part of networking has never been the conversation itself. It's the starting. And "I was just thinking about you" is a start that works nearly every time, because it's true, and people can feel the difference between something genuine and something performed.

Making It a Daily Practice

You don't need a novel insight or a perfectly curated link to justify reaching out. If someone has crossed your mind recently, consider that a nudge worth acting on. Send the message. Tell them you were thinking about them, because you were, and that's more than enough.