A Spectrum of Networking

A few months before my first layoff, I got invited to a small dinner by a professional acquaintance. It wasn’t a formal networking event, just a handful of people from adjacent industries gathering over food and conversation. I didn’t expect much, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to go.

That’s where I met Alan.

We sat next to each other, talked about the work we were doing, the teams we were part of, and what interested us. Nothing high-pressure. No agenda. Just a good, natural conversation that left a positive impression.

Months later, after I had been laid off, I saw a couple of open roles at Alan’s company. I reached out, not to ask for a job, but to see if he had any context. Maybe he knew the hiring manager. Maybe he could offer a little insight.

Not only was he open to helping, he made an introduction to the hiring manager. She agreed to a quick breakfast chat. The role I applied for wasn’t quite right, but our conversation opened the door to another opportunity on the team that was a better fit.

By the time I officially applied, I had already built relationships with two people on the team. That gave me a clear advantage. Not because I applied better, but because they knew who I was. They trusted me.

And all because of a dinner without agenda.

A Bad Rap

If that version of networking sounds unappealing, you’re not alone.

Structured events can be hit-or-miss... You likely don't know who is going to be there or how to find the right person to connect to.

They often feel transactional... Skipping the small talk and jumping right into, "What do you do?" feels forced.

They don’t always lead to meaningful follow-ups... "Let's connect on Linkedin" goes nowhere.

And for many, they feel more like a performance than a conversation.

Here’s my take… That’s just one approach to networking.

Widen Your Lens

On one end:

Nurturing your existing relationships, like grabbing coffee with a former coworker or texting an old boss to catch up.

On the other:

Expanding your network, like attending a meetup, joining an industry event, or reaching out cold to someone you admire.

In between is where it feels most naturally productive:

• Saying yes to a dinner with friends-of-friends
• Accepting an intro from a former colleague
• Holding a few low-stakes informational conversations

There’s no single right way to do it. Sure, it can be a numbers game, but embrace the opportunity to build a meaningful community of like-minded professionals.

Shoot for Nurturing and Expanding.

1. Reignite old connections. Reach out to 2–3 people you haven’t talked to in a while and offer to catch up. 2. Say yes to an invite. Say ‘yes’ to invites to catch up, grab a coffee, or join a workshop. See what comes of it. 3. Ask for a warm intro. Identify someone you’d like to talk to and ask a mutual connection for an introduction. Make it easy with a drafted note providing context. 4. Keep track of who you talk to. Start a simple spreadsheet and jot down a few notes. Relationships grow when you pay attention.

Networking doesn’t have to mean working a room or pretending to be someone you’re not.

It’s about relationships built on curiosity, connection, and mutual interests.

Some days you nurture. Some days you expand.

“Networking” should be natural, not negative. Embrace the spectrum.